too fast

i don't know how my insomnia tonight led me here but it seemed only right to say something. it's been over a year since any of us have posted anything but now it's the summer before senior year of college and before i manage another night of insomnia, college girls will actually be over forever and we'll be grown up girls. here is what i think every girl is up to this summer. olivia is on a naked road trip with ryan mcginley which makes me almost sure that she will be walking down a runway within a year. stella is doing summertime chi, living downtown with her uncle who is making her eat foods with flavors in preparation for her semester in turkey. i'm in urbana this summer, sneaking into pools and failing at my 'one painting a week' schedule. college girls reunion one of these days, right? miss you girls now more than ever before i think. also, my life is the most boring i've decided.

niki, stella, honeys

i really miss you, girls. sometimes i feel like it's been a big mistake to leave illinois.

what to do?

hello you poor neglected old thing,
i am about to enter my last full week of school and it's scarier than i had imagined. there are so many projects and assignments to do that all i can manage to do is list them out and not actually work on them. since the kitchen in my apartment burned down, i've been living out of a fridge and a microwave that sit strangely out of place in my living room. today i tried to use the toaster and the microwave at the same time and blew a fuse. i don't know how to fix it. there's also no washer and dryer in the building anymore and though i've made it two weeks without doing any laundry, i think i only have three more pairs of underwear before i need to A. make like i live in the old country and scrub my clothes in the bathtub B. ask one of my friends if i can come do laundry at their place or C. forgo underwear for the last two weeks of school.
just wishin it were summer already. not a care in the world.

grownups

After finals next week, I will move out of Allen and head to D.C., and Niki will get settled in her big-girl apartment. Olivia has been long gone, but having the remaining Allenites move out feels like the official end of the Bad-Baby-Hairdo-Era. No more late night rendezvous in Unit One. No more Sunday brunches in the dining hall in Becky outfits. No more Robin. It's kind of really sad and awful.

See you on the quad I guess.

I'm returning to Urbana in admittedly 2 days but I'm leaving NYC today which makes it feel so immediate and awesome. I miss the grasslands and my girlfriends. We are gonna brunch so hard on Sunday.

oh no

sometimes, when it is very late at night (or 3:21 am), i find myself rereading old emails or in the case of tonight, blog posts stella, olivia and i had written during the school year. mostly, i've been putting off thinking about olivia being a million miles away next year. everyone asks me what i'll do next year without her, which upsets me because: one, i can handle myself thankyouverymuch and two, they may have a valid point. i keep trying to imagine early sunday mornings next year but they end up being memories of last year. stella curled up in her orange sweatpants, not waking for several more hours while olivia and i eat jelly doughnuts and discuss the events of the evening prior or run errands to walgreens for false nails or listen to marlo thomas while i drift in and out of sleep on olivia's bed. i know things will be fine, but they will be different and it makes me kind of anxious. there is comfort in knowing that olivia is the best pen pal and i'll actually have something to look for in my mail box next year.

sorry this was kind of a love letter, but i do love you truly, olivia.

all done

i did something really stupid today. it was called 'sleeping through your 8AM final, realizing it and then crying in bed for ten minutes.' there was grilled cheese for lunch though and now freshman year is over forever. hi summer, i missed you.