oh no

sometimes, when it is very late at night (or 3:21 am), i find myself rereading old emails or in the case of tonight, blog posts stella, olivia and i had written during the school year. mostly, i've been putting off thinking about olivia being a million miles away next year. everyone asks me what i'll do next year without her, which upsets me because: one, i can handle myself thankyouverymuch and two, they may have a valid point. i keep trying to imagine early sunday mornings next year but they end up being memories of last year. stella curled up in her orange sweatpants, not waking for several more hours while olivia and i eat jelly doughnuts and discuss the events of the evening prior or run errands to walgreens for false nails or listen to marlo thomas while i drift in and out of sleep on olivia's bed. i know things will be fine, but they will be different and it makes me kind of anxious. there is comfort in knowing that olivia is the best pen pal and i'll actually have something to look for in my mail box next year.

sorry this was kind of a love letter, but i do love you truly, olivia.